Donor Conception Network - Stories
Confessions of a Sperm Donor.
It has a strange sound to it, but, that's what I was for a while - a donor of sperm. I answered the call to make a few extra dollars the easy way, and at a time when every cent helped. I was married. My wife was pregnant. Money was tight. I was working 50 hours a week. Then I heard an add for sperm donors. I could make an extra $50 a week. I talked it over with my wife and she agreed. I had to provide a thorough, accurate and indepth medical history of my family and myself. I had to have quality sperm that could survive freezing, and I had to pass a batter of blood and genetic tests. It took almost 5 months of screening before I started to seen any money.
Then life changed for me. My soon was born, but I remained a donor, though my motivations changed. The money wasn't as important any more, but the realization that I was helping others to have what I had really appealed to me. I was, and still am, very open to my friends and family about my involvement as a sperm donor. It is not something I am ashamed of. I think sperm donors serve a very real social need, but with any need there attending issues and problems, and I have been in the middle of a few of them.
Though I have been open about being a donor, I strongly believe in the right for a donor to be anonymous to the people who receive his sperm and to the children that result from his sperm. I have provided a great deal of information about me and my family for the parents and children. I do not think I need to be involved in any way shape or form with further social and emotional development of the child. I served as the purveyor o biological material. That is where my responsibility ends. It is the responsibility of the parents to raise and teach the child they desperately want.
But I have my concerns. I am concerned about children being born into houses with just one parent, or houses with no father figure at all. I am concerned about fathers feeling detached from the children they agreed to be part of raising. I am concerned about children raised with a lie - of never knowing how they came into the world. I am concerned about those children later feeling lost and empty and sad. Recently I was asked if I was willing to become a non-anonymous donor. I would talk with the parents and answer their questions, but I would not be required to meet them or have any involvement with them or the child. I received regular reports about 'Jack and Jill' and their trials to get pregnant, but I was emotional ambivalent about the process. Until recently that is. A baby has been born. A little boy.
Now suddenly the vague and anonymous process has become personal. I always understood that I would have offspring out in the world, but now I know it and I know his name. His name. Names are very personal. Names hold power. I know "Jack and Jills" names; they know mine. I know the baby's name; he will know mine. One day, he may wish to meet me, I have agreed to do that for him, and I will honor that promise. But I won't do this again. If you are thinking of becoming a donor, don't forget what happens to you sperm. Babies are born. Families are made.
As a donor, you will have no control over who receives your sperm. You will have no input to the life of the child you help produce. If you trust the parent or parents to raise a health child, if you are comfortable being an anonymous donor of sperm, then I encourage you to become a donor.
You are needed. If you are thinking about using a donor, please know that we are not mercenaries out for a quick buck. Some of us genuinely care about and are concerned about the children we help you produce. But don't hate us because we don't want to be involved with you and the child.
Good luck to you all.
A sperm donor who wishes to remain anonymous contributed to this article to the web site of Xytex Corporation, an Atlanta based clinic.
