Donor Conception Network - Articles
For Men
For most men the diagnosis of infertility comes as a shock. For others, vasectomy or the after effects of chemotherapy make it more of a known quantity, but it can still be hard to get your head round the idea that you need help from another man to make a baby with your partner. Other men will experience coping and living with infertility because their partners are unable to conceive. They face similar issues and feelings as they look at the option of egg donation.
As a rule our lifestyles today do not prepare men for the news of their own or their partner’s infertility unless ill health has indicated that this may be the case. So when the diagnosis arrives we are confronted by a new and different world that we are unfamiliar with. Expressing the host of thoughts and feelings that accompany this new knowledge can feel very difficult. I know it was like this for me. It all felt really overwhelming.
The new world that we have entered involves not just coming to terms with the reasons for our infertility, or in some cases the lack of explanation for it, but also poses the fundamental question, “if we still want to have children, then what next?”
It becomes necessary to think through with our partner what opportunities and challenges we will be faced with if we want to have children. This can put stresses and strains on relationships. It can also help us explore our relationship in a deeper and more positive way. It means talking about how we feel.
What is important to recognise is that by choosing to have a child through donor conception – sperm, egg or embryo – we are embarking on a journey not just as a couple by as individuals as well. Our feelings do not stop at the decision to have a child through donor conception. They exist throughout the process of trying to conceive a child and beyond.
The journey may also contain some roads that do not lead to our favoured destination and cause pain to ourselves and our partners. They may also raise questions about our identity as a man who never expected to ‘fire blanks’ or negotiate the practical and emotional worlds of IVF treatment, ICSI, egg donation or donor insemination. We never thought it would be this difficult!
The articles linked from this page of our website are written by men who
have been at different stages of this journey through infertility,
through treatment, through bringing a child into this world and through
telling the child about their origins and history. I hope the articles
will inform, inspire, encourage, empower and interest all who read them.
Paul S
News and Articles
NEW - Thoughts on Father's Day 2007
NEW - a really good book on infertility from a male perspective
SWIMMING UPSTREAM; The Struggle to Conceive by David Rawlings and Karen Looi is highly recommended.
Straight from the hip Australian style, this book is available in the UK from Infertility Network UK : admin@infertilitynetworkuk.com
or ‘phone 08701 188088
or visit the books website
A Light at the End of the Tunnel Stuart describes the challenging path to donor conceived parenthood.
The Infertility Rollercoaster: What it feels like for a guy
Review of Steven Sonsino's DVD
Infertile fathers fight stigma as 'DI Dads'. from USA Today
Visit UK Network member, Richard Woolven's blog about his infertility and
journey to donor conception
We Know Who His Daddy Is
To Tell or Not To Tell - from Andrew
Ted's Story
Banish the Ego - Paul's story
DC and the Meaning of Life
A letter from Walter to would-be DI Dads web version [PDF version]
Fears & Concerns
Our Friends The Donors (Australia)
From Down Under Richard's story
Parenting DC Teenagers
Parenting children conceived using donated eggs or sperm: is it different?
You're not my father anyway..
STOP PRESS - Calling all on-line DI Dads
Eric Schwartzman, New York resident and DI dad to two young children, is
the author of a blog and moderator of a Yahoo group for men who have
become dads by donor conception. I met him at the Donor Conception
Symposium I attended in Toronto on 22nd/23rd October 2005 and can vouch
for him as a good bloke.
Eric had posted regularly on the Donor Sibling Registry site and noticed
how few dads seemed to be part of the discussions. The most recent
exchanges in the Yahoo group have been about what to say when someone
comments on how much a child looks like their dad.
Eric would be delighted to have dads from the UK join in.
To subscribe to the site and get access to the blog, use the following
addresses:
Subscribe: di_dads-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Post message: di_dads@yahoogroups.com
List owner: di_dads-owner@yahoogroups.com
