Donor Conception Network - Articles
DVD - The Infertility Rollercoaster: What it feels like for a guy
Let me say at the outset that I found the idea of watching a DVD of someone talking about their experiences with infertility a slightly strange one. As a man with a zero sperm count I think I know enough how it feels to be infertile and so the idea that watching someone else talk about going through the same thing seemed almost slightly silly. I shall state now, for the record, that I couldn’t have been more wrong.
That said the DVD has its low and high points. It is basically a video of a speech given by Steven Sonsino on his experiences of infertility at the National Infertilty Day 2006 conference. There is also an interview with Clare Brown from Infertility Network UK and a podcast of Steven on how to talk and how to listen.
To say that the DVD does not start well is, in my humble opinion, something of an understatement. The opening credits look like someone somewhere made a concerted effort to induce an epileptic fit in the viewers and the introduction by Clare Brown is stilted to say the least. Do not, however, be put off. For all of the cringe worthiness of the first few minutes, the main event is definitely worth the wait.
As Steven introduced himself and began to talk about his path to fatherhood it became clear to me that he was talking, not just about his own experiences, but about the emotions that I think most men in our position feel. He talks about the frantic baby-making sex, probably the only time in a man’s life when the idea of sex doesn’t appeal, his lack of understanding about how his partner felt every month when they failed to conceive and, with an admirable level of humour, talks about his experiences with sample bottles and hospital toilets.
As his story progressed I found myself unconsciously nodding, recognising in his words the feelings that I had and the memories that are still fresh in my mind from our treatment cycles. Although Steven and his wife eventually achieved a pregnancy through ICSI, he covers very well the feelings, emotions and fears about the idea of using donor sperm to help create his family and his eventual realisation that proceeding down the donor route was not just about him and how he felt, but about the need for him to have a family and raise a child. If you’re reading this and are experiencing those doubts right now then I urge you to watch this film.
Finally he talks about the numbness he felt through the numerous cycles of treatment. How he and his wife just carried on doing what had to be done and did their best to keep talking and helping one another through the experience.
When the film finally came to a close I found myself mentally and emotionally exhausted, but with a feeling of contentment and reassurance. The memories of treatment are still very fresh in my mind but Steven had been there too and come out of the other side smiling. Above all I felt I had found a kindred spirit; one of the people out there that really understands what I and we have been through.
Steven tells a difficult and emotional story with strength, understanding
and humour and I would wholeheartedly recommend that any couple
undergoing treatment, or just considering treatment, take the time to
listen to what he has to say.
Richard Woolven
There are two copies of the DVD in the library to be borrowed by members or to buy a copy contact Steven Sonsino at the infertilityrollercoaster.com where the film can be previewed as well as purchased.
