Donor Conception Network - Stories
Heresy?
Rachel offers a reality check on the joys of parenting
I am the proud mother of three children conceived with the help of eggs from two different donors. They are our pride and joy, as well as a source of frustration and exhaustion!
There is one aspect of parenthood which is unspoken and possibly even unacknowledged when one is childless and battling with infertility, and this is that constantly being at the beck and call of small people calling out "mummy' , could be anything other than wonderful. The reality is that with all three children at home during the school holidays, the constantly shouted sound of this much sought after role, becomes more than somewhat grating! When we had our first born I was delighted that I had a baby who required so much attention. I happily got out of bed anything from six to twelve times a night (breast-fed so couldn't delegate the job to father). She did not sleep all night until she was two and a half and then the nocturnal wakings had certainly lost their novelty. Her younger sister then took over the role and didn't sleep through the night until three and three-quarters years! Fortunately this ones twin brother slept all night from one year. When I am trying hard to be the Mother from Heaven but feel like the Mother from Hell it's difficult not to feel extra guilty and I wonder what the donor mothers would think. Would they have felt I wasn't a deserving case? Surely, I ask myself, they must raise their voices to their children and feel negative about them at times? When our twins are being particularly difficult I look at my husband and whisper, "If you had had your way they might have been triplets'. I refused to have three embryos transferred, insisting on two. He looks at me in a certain relieved way, whilst not actually admitting I was right.
So good luck to all those who are trying to become parents and remember that whatever the circumstances of conception there may be times (especially if you have more than one child) when you may question your own suitability for parenthood in just the same way as any parent does.
By the way, I still wakie up several times a night partly because I am now conditioned to do so and also because the younger children are learning to go to the toilet in the early hours by themselves. Of course this is still accompanied by shouts of 'Mum'. But when they are asleep in their beds at night and I go and see them, I still thank God for such precious gifts...and I clearly don't need as much sleep as I had before their conception!
Rachel Sargent
